I am officially moved out of my apartment. I am storing most of my earthly possessions, and holding onto my main necessities…that fits in my mini cooper, my new permanent residence. What on earth possessed me to make such a seemingly crazy choice? I’ll tell you. I have been sinking and becoming more stuck, mentally and physically here in New Smyrna Beach. I have had nothing but doors closing on me for almost a year now. Slowly I have been getting less work and having more trouble paying my bills. My roommate found a new job out of state and as I searched for new roommates, it hit me. How can I find someone to split rent with when I can’t even afford my half? I wrestled and struggled with God; I had mountains of frustration of where I was at this point in my life. When I voiced my raw emotions with my parents, my dad asked if there was possibly something that I was still holding onto. What hadn’t I given over to God yet?
Then it hit me on my drive home. I was holding on to my apartment and New Smyrna Beach with two fierce white-knuckled hands. So I did what I had to do, I let go. And I asked the question, “what if?” What if I moved out, what if I left New Smyrna Beach? And suddenly the sky opened up, and I could see light again, possibilities became endless. I once again had hope. I had no real ties holding me in town other than great friends. Why couldn’t I leave? It felt like 100 pounds was lifted from my weary shoulders. I have a car, a surfboard, a tent, and backpacking equipment. Why couldn’t I live out of my car, travel the country, visit friends, surf, do yoga, and hike all over? I can meet up with friends along the way and make new friends, and find new opportunities that I could only find in stepping way out of my comfort zone. My work can be done anywhere, and I can write about the journey. Ha, yes, write! Its the only thing I know that God wants me to do. And this blog can be my platform for it. The journey has no time limit or proposed route. It would be totally dependent on what God provides and where. I can literally go anywhere God leads me, and do the work He provides along the way.
I thought I had gone somewhat crazy, but when I got home a little piece of paper fell out of my backpack pocket. This was a fortune that I had been carrying around since my time in Asia. And as you might have guessed, this is what it says: “You can’t choose how you will die, but you can choose how you will live.” I was floored by this obvious sign. And the more I talked to friends, the more I could see that this was not only doable, but being supported by my closest friends and family.
Additionally I felt God was confirming this for me because I journaled this scripture which was mentioned at church a week before,
“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19. God knows this is one of my favorite scriptures.”
On 2/16/19 I prayed/journaled Isaiah’s 30:21
“Your own ears will hear him. This is the way you should go, whether to the right or the left.”
And on 2/18/19 I got my answer:
“Rachel, this is my will for you. I will show you which way to go, to the right or the left. I want you to go left. This means leaving all of this behind, all the creature comforts that have been your resting place. I will provide for you each step of the way. I have been preparing you for this my child. I have been clipping away all the things that have held you back. I have so much more for you on the open road. Its exciting and scary, but know that I am with you each and every step of the way. I have been pruning you for this. Release all your cares and worries to me. I will handle all of the details. Just trust, trust, trust me.”
And here I sit nearly a month later, and He truly has been providing for me. Suddenly I have work coming in. I have a temporary place to stay while is sell off and release my extra stuff. And this gives me some time in town still to see friends and start this long awaited blog. So join me friends on this journey, this unique calling that I am grateful God has placed on my heart. Its a challenge, it isn’t the norm, its very counter-culture, and there is no place else I’d rather be. I am stepping in faith with my Father, watching Him come through in so many amazing ways. I am utterly blessed and humbled that He has chosen me.